Secrets of the Female Orgasm

Female orgasm is always enhanced by foreplay — and that involves time, tenderness, and knowing what to do.


By Dennis Thompson Jr.
Medically reviewed by Niya Jones, MD, MPH

Do you want to become your girlfriend or wife's hero? Then stop worrying about your penis size and start learning the secrets of the female orgasm.

That may not always be as simple as it sounds. You need to become an expert in foreplay. You also need to learn about the two spots that, when stimulated, can lead to a female orgasm. Understanding the sexual positions that provide the best chance for her to achieve orgasm doesn't hurt either. (Hint: The missionary position isn’t one of them.)

Female Orgasm: The Importance of Foreplay

Yes, as a guy, you may be pretty much ready to go from the minute she gives you a sideways glance or after you see her in that one bra you like. But she, on the other hand, may need plenty of physical and emotional stimulation to become aroused, lubricated, and primed for an orgasm. That's why foreplay is so crucial.

Above all else, emphasize the "play" in foreplay. It's shouldn't be rushed or treated like an obligatory task. In fact, foreplay can begin hours before sex actually occurs, and every minute of it will prepare her for an orgasm. Here are some tips for getting both of you in the mood:

* Use your head. Remember that for women, mental stimulation is as important as emotional stimulation. A sexy love note, a flirtatious call at work, and other sorts of playful fun can get her thinking about your upcoming liaison. Candles, fresh flowers, and mood music can also create a loving and sensuous atmosphere.
* Tenderness. Touching can create sexual tension even before you've started making love. Hug her, hold her hand, or touch her thigh. Female orgasm is more likely to happen if, when you're kissing a woman, you let your hands roam to more erotic regions of her body. (Another hint: Yes, the breasts are erogenous zones, but they're not the only one! Try stroking her back or her thighs, or sliding your fingers into her hair.)
* Kissing. This is essential to good foreplay. Discovering new places to kiss that turn her on is both fun and rewarding. Try the back of her neck or her shoulders for starters.
* Sweet nothings. Don't forget to talk to her during foreplay. Women tend to be more verbal, and hearing how good she's making you feel can help her feel freer to open up and have fun.

There are two places on the body that are critical to female orgasm. You need to learn to stimulate these areas of the female anatomy if you want her to achieve orgasm.

* The clitoris. This tiny organ contains a high concentration of nerve endings, and you can find it outside and at the top of the vagina. The clitoris is covered by a little bit of skin called the "clitoral hood," which keeps it from being stimulated all the time, so you may have to coax the clitoris out by touching or licking it. Once she's aroused, the hood will draw back and the clitoris will become slightly erect.
* The "G" spot. This other orgasmic area is located inside the vagina. It's a bundle of nerve endings about two inches up from the pubic bone on the inner, upper wall of the vagina. To find the G-spot, gently slide your finger inside her vagina with your palm facing up, then curling your finger up in a "come hither" motion. Be warned — some women love having their G-spot directly stimulated, while others prefer less pressure on this sensitive area. Explore different techniques and ask your lady which she likes best.

Female Orgasm: Sexual Positions

Given what you've just learned, you can pretty much guess that the best sexual positions for female orgasm involve those which provide maximum stimulation to the clitoris or G-spot (or both!). These positions include:

* Woman on top. This position provides some of the best stimulation of the G-spot, given the angle of the penis. She also can move her body in a way that stimulates her clitoris.
* Rear entry. This position isn't so great for clitoral stimulation, but provides excellent penetration and stimulation of the G-spot. Either of you can reach under during sex to rub the clitoris.
* Sitting. Having your lover sit on your lap allows for both deep penetration and good clitoral stimulation. It also provides plenty of intimacy.

Notice that the so-called missionary position isn't on that list? It's difficult for the guy to stimulate the clitoris when he's on top, unless he really grinds his pelvis into his partner. The angle of penetration also is also all wrong for G-spot stimulation.

Keep these ideas in mind — and don't be afraid to ask your partner for feedback! Achieving the female orgasm may require some trial and error, but don't forget to have fun while you're trying.

Does Penis Size Really Matter?

As some men fret over their perceived masculinity, women have a different view on the subject. The facts might surprise you.


By Dennis Thompson Jr.
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

It's an age-old issue that men struggle with: Does the size of my penis really matter? The question covers layers of worry and fear, as men consider their possible inadequacy.

The answer is more complicated than you think. And fortunately, the problem is more often centered in your own perception than in your partner’s.

Penis Size: Facts and Misconceptions

First, the facts. According to a study reported in the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, the erect penis size of most men — 68 percent — is between 4.6 and 6 inches long. About 16 percent of men have an erect penis size longer than 6.1 inches, and of those only 2.5 percent are over 6.9 inches. About 16 percent of men have an erect penis size that’s shorter than 4.5 inches, with only 2.5 percent of those under 3.7 inches.

So now you know. But do you know who is worried about penis size? Look in the mirror.

In the same study of more than 52,000 participants — men and women — 45 percent of men reported that they were unsatisfied with their penis size and wanted to be larger. Compare that figure to the 16 percent who actually are shorter than average. And the perception didn’t change with age, either — about the same number of older men were unhappy with their penis size as were younger guys.

These concerns of inadequacy have consequences. Men who believed their penis size was too small were less likely to undress in front of their partner, more likely to hide their penis during sex, and more likely to judge themselves unattractive. On the other hand, men who thought they had a large penis were likely to be more self-confident and believe themselves to be attractive. Interestingly, 84 percent of the women surveyed reported that they were satisfied with their partner's penis size. So it's not her problem, guys — it's yours.

That's not the end of the story, though. Penis size does matter to women, but it turns out that when women talk about penis size, it’s usually about the width, not the length.

"A very long, skinny penis is not as pleasurable as a shorter, fatter one for most women," said Patti Britton, PhD, a sex coach and clinical sexologist in Los Angeles, Calif. "It's really the thickness of a male's penis that is the element allows her to feel what we in sexology called containment — the feeling of fullness that's produced with an object or a penis inside the vaginal wall."

Penis Size: What Really Matters

Penis size is not the final determining factor in a man’s ability to satisfy a woman or enjoy sex.

The two of the most sexually sensitive areas for a woman, the clitoris and the G-spot, are both easily reached and aroused. "The G-spot is only one-third up inside the vaginal barrel," Britton explains. "For women who tend to be G-spot oriented, a small or short penis can do the job, and the G-spot can produce ecstatic pleasure."

If you feel your penis is too skinny to satisfy your lover, there are ways around that as well. Sex toy companies have created latex or rubber rings or sleeves that fit around the penis and provide that feeling of fullness for her. "Many feature nubs or ribbing along the outside that allow him to provide additional stimulation while inside her," Britton says.

"There is an adage, it's not the size, it's how you use it," adds Britton. "If the male is a skilled lover manually and orally and sensually, he can produce high levels of pleasure and success in his lovemaking."

Health Tip: Walking for Exercise

(HealthDay News) -- Walking is a safe and easy way to get exercise, but you should maintain proper form to prevent injury.

The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons offers these suggestions:

* Swing your arms as you walk.
* Walk with your head up, and make sure your back is straight.
* Keep your abdomen flat.
* Point your toes straight ahead.
* Walk with a long, easy stride that doesn't strain you.

8 Simple Ways to Pick Yourself Up

If you suffer from depression, you may feel so tired or drained that you may be having a hard time going about your daily activities. You may even be feeling so exhausted that you can barely find the energy to get dressed in the morning.

Many people with depression also suffer from insomnia. Other people feel like they just can't get enough sleep. If you suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness, experts recommend you first consult your doctor to rule out any other underlying medical condition. Conditions that can interfere with a good night's sleep include breathing problems and restless legs syndrome.

Symptoms of fatigue and sleepiness during the day can also be a side effect of certain medications used to treat depression. Discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible; the doctor may be able to adjust your dosage and correct these problems.

Sleep specialists can also assist in finding the solution you need. Symptoms related to both sleep disorders and mental illnesses such as depression can be related; that's another reason to talk to your doctor about all your symptoms. Treating your depression could help with your lack of energy, and treating an underlying medical condition that causes sleepiness can improve your quality of life.

Depression Treatment: Energy Boosters to Help Manage Depression

Making some simple lifestyle changes also may improve your energy level:

* Maintain a healthy, balanced diet to ensure you are getting all the nutrition you need to perform at your best.
* Drink plenty of water. Being dehydrated can zap your energy levels.
* Maintain a regular exercise program. Keeping physically fit can help you stay energized.
* Practice relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation to balance stress in your life.
* Maintain a manageable work and daily schedule.
* Avoid or eliminate stressful situations.
* Avoid smoking, alcohol, and drug use.
* Stay active even if you are tired. Go out and meet friends, or just tackle some housework.

Depression Treatment: Get Back on a Healthy Sleeping Pattern

Making some small adjustments may help you sleep more soundly at night:

* Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Rise at the same time every day, even if you are feeling tired.
* Avoid napping or sleeping during the day, especially near your bedtime.
* Exercise earlier in the day.
* If you wake during the night, go to another room and try to relax by reading or listening to music.
* If you drink caffeinated beverages, have a limited amount and none after 4 p.m.

Depression Treatment: Other Energy-Enhancing Therapies

Research shows that symptoms of fatigue can also be alleviated very effectively with psychotherapy (talk therapy). Psychotherapy has also been shown to improve people's overall health.

Another important treatment concept is that the mind and the body function together. The way we use our body, from eating to movement, can affect its mental, psychological, and physical functioning. Psychiatrist James S. Gordon, MD, a clinical professor in the departments of psychiatry and family medicine at Georgetown University School of Medicine in Washington, D.C., and founder and director of the Center for Mind-Body Medicine, says that mind-body approaches can help with depression.

Mind-body techniques include relaxation, meditation, hypnosis, self-expression in words, art and music therapy, as well as exercise and yoga.

"Mind-body approaches give people the help to first relax a little so that they are not quite so overwhelmed by whatever emotions or thoughts are coming up," Dr. Gordon says. "They become more relaxed in the physiological sense, and they become less preoccupied with their fears."

He says that mind-body techniques can "help people live better, make better choices, and maybe even — although this is not so clear — significantly prolong their life.”

However you choose to manage the lack of energy associated with depression, remember that you are not alone. Stay connected — consider joining a support group or blogging to exchange information with others who also have depression. Sharing your concerns and discussing what you're feeling in these forums may also help you cope with your symptoms of depression.


By Linda Parent
Medically reviewed by Cynthia Haines, MD

Is Hormone Therapy Safe For Women Entering Menopause?

Many women, and even some physicians, quickly abandoned the use of hormone replacement therapy in 2002, after the large Women's Health Study suggested that the treatment might harm women who were long past menopause.

But now a team of international experts has concluded that for women in early menopause, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can safely provide real symptom relief, as well as additional benefits such as increased bone strength.

"Young healthy women at the onset of menopause shouldn't be afraid to use hormones," said Dr. Roger Lobo, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University in New York City, and one of the authors of the report on HRT and menopause submitted to the first International Menopause Society Global Summit on menopause-related issues.

"Women need to know that hormone therapy in early menopause is safe and is absolutely the most effective way of managing the menopausal transition," said Dr. Melissa McNeil, chief of the section of women's health at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and a professor of medicine, obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

Initial results were released from the Women's Health Study in 2002. Those findings suggested that HRT increased a user's risk of breast cancer and -- more surprisingly -- their risk of heart disease. Older women were immediately advised to stop taking hormones, and even women just entering menopause were advised against using hormone therapy.

However, what wasn't widely understood at the time was that the women in the study tended to be long past menopause -- often by at least 10 years -- when they started taking the hormones. Additionally, the summit experts pointed out that one-third of the women in the trial were obese, more than one-third had high blood pressure, and almost half were current or former smokers. All of these factors could raise the risk of heart disease on their own.

To assess the effects of HRT in younger women, more than 40 experts from all over the world reviewed available data on the safety and efficacy of hormone replacement therapy, paying particular attention to four key areas: cardiovascular health, breast issues, cognition and bone health.

Findings from this summit were expected to be presented Tuesday at the World Congress on the Menopause in Madrid, Spain. Some of the key findings included:

Combined estrogen and progesterone do not increase heart disease risk in women aged 50 to 59.

Estrogen therapy alone decreased the risk of heart disease in women between 50 and 59.

Hormone replacement therapy helps maintain bone health.

Cognition isn't impaired by the use of hormones between 50 and 59; hormone therapy may help prevent some cognitive decline in this age group.

Combined use of estrogen and progesterone may increase the risk of breast cancer after 5 years of use; estrogen-alone therapy appeared to bring no increase in risk of breast cancer after at least 7 years of use. The researchers felt the increase for breast cancer risk from hormone therapy was small, especially when compared to other risk factors, such as obesity.

Lobo said there are women who definitely shouldn't take HRT: those who already have heart disease, those who've had breast cancer, and women with a history of blood clots.

McNeil said she doesn't recommend HRT for women with multiple risk factors for heart disease, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, a strong family history, or smokers.

"A woman who's healthy and has symptoms, [such as hot flashes or vaginal dryness], going into menopause will reap some quality of life benefits from hormones," said Lobo, who added that the protective effects seen in bone health and in cardiovascular risk are additional benefits for women taking hormones for symptom relief.

"I don't think we'll ever prescribe hormones solely for heart disease, but it's a side benefit," he said.

"For the first five years of therapy, there's no increased risk of breast cancer and for the normal-risk patients, there's no increased risk of cardiovascular disease, so women can feel comfortable that their symptoms can be managed effectively," said McNeil.

"Hormone therapy isn't for everyone, [but if you have symptoms], don't suffer, talk to your doc," advised Lobo.